Today, I’d like to talk about the target brand dish washing soap. A few weeks ago, I went shopping for some dishwashing soap, because I was in the mood to buy some dishwashing soap. I worked my way through the dishwashing soap aisle in Target and came across the Target brand dishwashing soap. Feeling adventurous, I decided to try something new. I grabbed the biggest bottle I could find, walked triumphantly out of the aisle and towards the checkout line. As I waited for my turn to pay, I couldn’t help but gaze into that bottle’s label and daydream about all of the plates, bowls, pots and pans we would clean together to the tune of Wouldn’t it be Nice by the Beach Boys. A minute and a half later, my fantasy was rudely interrupted by an adolescent voice with “Hi Sir, how are you today?”
Fast forward two weeks and we’ve finally come to the moment of validation. I was going to prove to myself and the world that the Target brand dishwashing soap is not only cheaper than the mainstream alternative, but performs just as well. I went through the same motions with the new product that I normally do and boy was I surprised. Not only did it not cut through grease, it felt like all of the bubbles it produced when washing were just for show. I might as well have been using straight up water to wash my dishes. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
In an attempt to salvage the hard earned cash I threw down for this inadequate product, I decided to combine this less than stellar soap with the real shit. I gave it about a 1:1 ratio, hoping that the name brand soap would mask the weaker link’s shortcomings. The results were not exactly what I expected.
When working the mixture of incompetent soap with it’s better performing peer, I noticed a huge difference in performance. That is, a huge difference as in not at all. In fact, I think the mixture performed worse than the two individuals alone. Not only did the concoction not cut through any grease, it took the grease from the previously washed dishes and smeared it onto the others. If you have any plastics in your sink, you might as well through them into the recycling bin. I squeezed glob after glob of detergent onto my sponge and scrubbed away at all of the soiled plastics with no avail. I swear, I repeated those steps six times before I threw my sponge into the sink and the plastic tupperware into the recycling pile. Target brand’s dishwashing liquid isn’t just the worst guy on the bench, his very existence drags the entire team down into the Mariana Trench with him. He’s so bad that he sucks the life out of the starters, coaching staff and front office. He’s the type of player who takes a knee on 4th down in the redzone with 5 seconds left in the 4th, with no timeouts when you’re down by 2. Not only does it not do its job, but it prevents his teammates from doing theirs as well.